Friday, January 23, 2004

Okay I officially give up.

We need to freaking nominate someone before my head explodes. I am tired of primary season. I can’t continue to despise Leiberman, cringe at Dean, ignore Sharpton and Kucinich, waffle on Clark, wonder at Kerry, AND hate Bush. I am missing out on real news!

Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:

It would be bitterly ironic that the crimes of this administration went unnoticed due to our preoccupation with getting them out of office.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

SOTU (Post mortem)

Hey NBC interviewed Kerry. Not bad.

Oooh and on to Russert. Ick.

I'm going to have bad dreams tonight.
SOTU (We're nearly done)

Nope the troops don't look happy at all.

Aauugghh!! That was Jesse Jackson Jr.'s child! Holy Water quick!

Man if we get this man out of office I will name my firstborn child after the new Democratic President. I promise here and now.
SOTU (I wish I had something better to do)

I don't think the Democrats are listening anymore. I think someone's passing around a Gameboy with Tetris on it and they're having a tournament.

Every time Dubya smirks, an American loses a job.

This wine isn't working. I need tequila.

Cheney's coughing. Quick! Get the defibrillator!

Is Rangel asleep? Wait, no he's reading something. That or getting a kickass score on Tetris.

"Healthy responsible children." Insert Jenna and Barbara joke here.

Why is he talking about steriods? Why is he tougher on steroids than on terrorism? Tom Brady you should be ashamed of yourself!

Defence of marriage, here we go. Santorum has been waiting for this moment all night.

Is this over yet?
SOTU cont'd (I really need to be more drunk than I am)

Yes we will give the military the resources to fight and die but we will not give you health care when you come home. And those three young service people do not look thrilled to be there. They look like, "Yes we'll clap so long as we're on camera."

Bad move mentioning the Kay Report. Reminds people that you haven't found crap.

Yeah standing ovation for all countries we strongarmed into "helping" us. I'm surprised he didn't mention Micronesia

"Death Tax." I never want to hear those two words again.

Bush always sounds slightly guilty when talking about No Child Left Behind. Not because he knows deep down that it's crap, but because he really doesn't care all that much about literacy having never completely mastered the basics.
SOTU (The Porno Begins)

Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.

Ted Kennedy just shook his head as if to say, "You lying sack of shit."

Confident and strong to the tune of a 50% approval rate.

Who's child is that? It doesn't count if a two-year-old applauds.

Ashcroft and Rumsfield shouldn't sit next to each other. It creates a vortex of evil that threatens to engulf the whole room.

Nuclear, nuclear, nuclear

"The people of Iraq are free..." and starving, and poor, and terrified, and angry...

Can't Hastert get a better-fitting suit?

"Our forces are on the look..." and our office on the take.

SOTU, The Walk of Shame
Is that Peggy Noonan who keeps touching him?

Yes hug a Black child.

There is more denial in the smirk than at an entire meeting of the Log Cabin Republicans.
SOTU (Pre-lie-fest thoughts)
Anybody think that he'll mention rape rooms?

Cheney shouldn't smile He always looks more dishonest.

I'm going to need more wine.

Monday, January 19, 2004

Okay comments are back. I have no idea what happened, but let's hope they stick around this time.