Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Garrison Keillor's Apology to Republicans

A friend emailed this to me and I thought it was hilarious:
Having been called names, one looks back at one's own angry outbursts over the years, and I recall having at various times referred to Republicans as:

hairy-backed swamp developers,
fundamentalist bullies,
freelance racists,
hobby cops,
sweatshop tycoons,
line jumpers,
marsupial moms,
aluminum-siding salesmen,
misanthropic frat boys,
ninja ditto heads,
shrieking midgets,
tax cheats,
cheese merchants,
cat stranglers,
pill pushers,
nihilists in golf pants,
backed-up Baptists,
the grand pooh-bahs of Percodan,
mouth breathers,
testosterone junkies
and brown shirts in pinstripes

I look at those words now, and 'cat stranglers' seems excessive to me. The number of cat stranglers in the ranks of the Republican Party is surely low, and that reference was hurtful to Republicans and to cat owners. I feel sheepish about it.

My personal favorite? Backed-up Baptists, although Constipated Christians is more inclusive.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Bullshit Detectors at Alert Level RED

ABC looked back at the events of September 11, 2001, and yelled, "GET ME REWRITE!" And the new villain is...(drum roll)...Bill Clinton. These guys have no imagination.

Steve has a a good idea.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Bush, the Absurd

The Professor and I were discussing the recent White House claim that Bush has read 60 books so far this year, including an 800-pager, American Prometheus: The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer.

random thoughts:

Ok...8 months divided by 60 books = a feat conceivable for anyone but Bush.

If you calculate his 2hour+ workouts each day, his inability to stay up past 9pm, and the "presidenting" he's supposed to be doing between the workouts and the sleeping... I mean, he'd have to be reading close to 3 hours a day, and, quite frankly, I don't think he's capable.

When it comes to the things that separate us from the apes, he's demonstrated he's got the attention span of a kumquat.