Gay Be Gone!

When I read the headline Haggard Pronounced ‘Completely Heterosexual’ I thought it was from the Onion. But, nope, it's from the New York Times.

''He is completely heterosexual,'' Ralph said.

They apparently beat the homo right out of poor, creepy Ted Haggard.

But to be on the safe side...

Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed...

''It's hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It's like an open wound."

Somebody's gonna need rubber gloves and a tetanus shot.