Saturday, October 29, 2005

Epistolary Fun

(Thanks to Mark and Spence)

Letters of support received by I. Lewis (Scooter) Libby:

Dear Scooter,

Dick tells me you were on his staff or something, and that you were having some kind of law thing. Jeez, I'm really sorry about that. Boy oh Boy - I cannot even begin to tell you what it's been like for me here lately - what with the tragedy in New Orleans (poor, poor Brownie), that whole 'war thing' and then that nice judge lady who up and quit on me, this place is in shambles! Anyway, listen, if you get through this thing, I may have something else lined up for you, so try to pay attention to all the legal stuff when you're in court, it'll make the confirmation hearings better.

- The Prez

Dear Scooter,

What a travesty of justice! You train someone from scratch in the black arts, share with them the ecstasy of the hunt and the glory of the kill, and then BAM! Some uppity prosecutor goes and unloads a round of buckshot in you! Truly a shame. That having been said, I need you to understand this - if you turn on me, I will gut you like a Wyoming trout! I will hunt you down like an elk and fire a crossbow into your heart. Otherwise - all the best!

- Dick Cheney

Dearest Loving Scooter,

In the wilds of Connecticut where you vacation, the poplars are just turning to the amber hues of autumn. They all turn as if on cue, because their roots are as deeply connected as you and I. We have shared wonderful moments together, and please know that I will wait for you - however long it takes.

Lovingly - Judith Miller

ps - Most of the guards are pleasant, but watch out for Johnson - he can be a real bear in the morning!

Hey Scoot -

I call top bunk!

- Tom Delay

Dear Scooter -

I saw you on TV - it's made me see you in a whole new light! Gosh - you're famous now! I think you're the best - the absolute best. I hope you know that I think you did a fantastic job and I am so so so proud of you. Please write me as much as possible, and I'll keep the autographed photo you gave me last Christmas right by my bed.

- Harriet Miers

Scooter -

Tom's crazy if he thinks he's getting the top bunk. I outrank him. Besides, he was like a bug killer before politics - I'm a Doctor! Plus, I don't snore.

- Bill Frist

Dear Mr.. Libby -

Thank you Thank You Thank you! This has been a great week for us. Now if we could only find a way to capitalize on all of this. Some kind of message or something.

- Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi

2 comments:

red rabbit said...

Hee-hee... priceless!

the professor said...

great stuff!!!