Reason 5001 why could never be a Republican. Their side doesn't come up with great stuff like this.
The Horse (Apologies to E.A. Poe)
On a cold, gray winter's morning, I'm still groggy, aching, yawning
The morning paper perched upon the stoop outside my door
Now awake I go retrieve it, though my scanning eyes cannot believe it,
My bollixed brain cannot conceive it, conceive it as I shuffle cross the floor
Who wrote the dishonest, craven words I see as I shuffle cross the floor?
Quoth the Horse, "Media whores."